Because most people suck at meeting people. (Me included sometimes.) 😉
- Do you want to rapidly improve the quality of your life in any given *social* situation?
- Do you want to quickly find important/impactful people sooner?
- Do you want to fire up a sign above your head so other like-minded people can find you easily?
Then sit your ass down and listen to my super easy, super simple friend-maker tips.
1. Change your attitude, not your personality
This is the first step for me. And especially true for people with ugly self-defeating mentalities like:
- “Oh, I’m just too shy.”
- “I’m an introvert.”
- “I hate small talk.”
- “I’m not bubbly, social butterfly like my friend _____.”
- “I’m more of a computer nerd, than a people person.”
Trust me, I have some of the most extroverted friends in the world and even they hate dealing with people at times. Nobody is “on” all the time. Not even those famous celebrities that are always out partying in front of cameras every night.
The only thing you have to do is—turn on your “friendly mode”.
That’s it! You’re simply “being friendly” and nothing else. You’re not an entertainer. Or a comedian. Or walking around with memorized icebreaker lines. You’re simply being an active smile and “hello” in the room. It’s not going to take any effort. It’s not going to require you to change your personality.
2. Smile and say “hello” to everyone
Right when you enter the room…smile and say “hello” to everyone you pass. If you can reach them at arm’s distance and especially if they’re standing alone, you MUST say “hello”. You don’t even have to stop and talk! You can just keep walking and move on to the next person! So simple and yet so easy. Doing this helps you in so many more ways than you realize.
It actually makes socializing so much easier because you’ve pre-warmed yourself to the environment. You came in as a warm energy and now so much easier to make real connections since you’ve somewhat broken the ice already. You already said “hi” to everyone. You’ve already walked the whole damn room and made yourself comfortable in the space.
Now after doing the initial run, you can simply circle back and engage the people who were most warm to you in return. So much easier to talk to people you already said hi to, right???
Imagine walking in as a cold person. Not smiling. Not talking. Just hiding in the corner like an abandoned dog at the shelter waiting for someone to rescue you. And suppose someone did want to meet new people. Do you think they’re going approach the cold-stale you? Or the you that who was walking around with a smile saying “hi” to everyone? Definitely nobody approaches the person who looks unfriendly. And you’ll be forced to break through even more ice to make any connection.
3. Solo and group introductions
Introductions are the easiest ways to talk and not talk in social situations!
- Solo introduction – you introduce yourself to someone. They introduce themselves to you. Or if they’re shy, you introduce them to yourself!
- Group introductions – you introduce people to each other.
Solo introduction is self-explanatory. Come up…. “Hi, I’m so and so. And you are?” If it naturally opens a conversation, hang around and let it flow. If not, say “Nice to meet you!” with a smile and walk off like you got better things to do (which you do). The important thing is not to hang and torture each other if you don’t feel any connection. Just walk off!
Group introductions are where the f**ken money is at. Do this right and you will easily meet the entire room within an hour. All it requires is that you know at least 2-3 people in the room already. (Which isn’t hard if you already walked around with a smile saying “hello” to people.)
While talking to PERSON A, and you see PERSON B hovering nearby (and possibly alone)…you immediately invite PERSON B into the conversation with, “Hey do you know PERSON B?”
This group-introduction alone does so much for you!
- Makes you look more social/connected.
- Allows you to let other people buffer (provide convo) when you run out of talking subjects.
- Allows you to exit a conversation gracefully instead of awkwardly breaking it off.
- Allows you to get people’s names that you forgot already.
- Allows you to draw more people to you.
Introducing yourself to groups
This may sound scary but is actually very easily. Just pass by with…”What’s up, guys? Where are you guys from? How do you all know each other?” There will be plenty of talking going back and forth and by then you’re already absorbed into the group. Easy peezy.
4. Settle and invite
Now that you’ve already worked the room, said “hello” to everyone and basically broadcasted to the world that you’re a cool, friendly person. You can just sit down in one place and let everyone approach you. Get your favorite drink ready and put your feet up on the table. It’s all downhill from here.
- Shy people are going to come up to you because you look more approachable than anyone else in the room.
- New people will be sent/referred to you by others you already met. Because you share a common hometown, job, hobby, whatever.
- People bored by their other conversation will gravitate to you because you seem chill. Even if they don’t want to talk to you, they enjoy sitting nearby you.
You should think of yourself as a host. Anybody nearby…greet them!
- Hey, what are you up to?
- Come on over!
- Have a drink with us!
- Come join us! We’re just talking about _____.
- Do you wanna sit with us?
Now you got your home base. You can get up and roam around the room again and then come back to your spot and feel just at home. No more lost in awkward conversations or feeling like you’re wandering around aimlessly pretending to be busy on your phone. Instead of starting and breaking cold 1-on-1 talks, you’re able to butt in and out of groups gracefully. You’re gonna look like you’re everyone’s friend even when you don’t know anyone.
5. Stop talking (and listen)
You start the talking, and then stop talking.
That’s all it is. Introduce yourself to people. Introduce people to other people. Then let them run circles telling each other all their stories and hopes and dreams. You’ll know exactly what they’re most interested in and how to engage them. At some point, they might even ask you questions about yourself. How awesome, now you know exactly which parts of you they are most interested in.
Should you find someone who isn’t interested enough in you to talk about themselves…you can just leave or introduce them off to someone they might like. Keep connecting people and you’ll always be connected. Keep listening and you’ll always be talked to.
There’s no need to be interesting, or entertaining, or super-extroverted, or special…when you already know the whole damn room. 😉